10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships

People seeking couples counseling seek change to a relationship

dynamic that isn't working in some way. The problems can

include poor communication, lack of emotional safety,

resentment, trust violations and many other issues. It might

even be that the couple have different ideas of what the

problems are or simply a felt sense that things are not right.

Couples who demonstrate the makings or potential of a strong

relationship foundation are in a better position to work through

challenging situations as they arise.

There are many attributes of healthy and connected relationships

but here are some of them:

10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships

1. Friendship: Couples who have a strong friendship have

staying power. They not only love each other but

genuinely like each other as people. They enjoy hanging

out together. They might even consider each other their

“best friend.”

2. Humor: Partners who can make each other laugh tend

to be good at de-escalating conflict when it arises. Be

cautious of appropriate use of humor. If things have

gotten too tense, it might not be appropriate in that

moment.

3. Communication: Those who are able to openly express

their feelings and avoid burying hurt or anger, often deal

with situations as they come up more effectively. This

avoids the build-up of resentment.

4. Chore Sharing: Couples who divvy up the household or

parenting responsibilities collaboratively are less likely

to harbor bad feelings about what they perceive as

“unfair.” When both are participating in the relationship

and related duties, it lends itself to a team atmosphere.

5. Sexual Intimacy: Couples who feel sexually and

physically connected, tend to feel more cared for. But

keep in mind there are varying levels of needs and

meanings to sexual intimacy. Talk to each other about

it.

6. Affection: A hug, kiss, tussle of the hair and other brief

displays of affection remind each other that they

matter. This is especially important with hectic lives

with work and family obligations. Brief displays of

affection can remind each other that you’re still there

and love each other.

7. Avoidance of the “Horsemen of the Apocalypse”: This

is a term coined by couples researcher, John

Gottman, PhD, who is able to predict divorce with

incredible accuracy. His “four horsemen of the

apocalypse” are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and

stonewalling. Work hard to avoid these behaviors to

minimize damaging the relationship.

8. Mutual and Separate Friends/Hobbies: Partners who

socialize with other couples and also maintain separate

friendships demonstrate balance in regards to honoring

themselves as individuals and the relationship. Self

satisfaction and fulfillment adds to relationship

satisfaction. It’s important to feels secure being who

you are within the dynamic as well as be clear on how

each partner views a satisfactory balance.

9. Reliability: Partners in a relationship want to feel they

can rely upon each other. If couples do what they say

and say what they do, they create an atmosphere of

safety in knowing their words and actions mean

something. They can both breathe a sigh of relief to

know the other has their back.

10. Repair Attempts: When couples take responsibility for

their mistakes with each other, take responsibility and

offer a repair attempt, there is another important way to

avoid resentment to grow. This requires an ability to be

humble.